‘My sweet baby…I’m currently sitting outside of your room as you scream your lungs out…resisting sleep. Even though your eyes are so heavy, you won’t let them shut. And now your little body is exhausted. I tried to make it better…rocking you and talking softly. Then I turned on the white noise machine, offered a bottle, baby oatmeal, heck even the boob… I tried opening up the window for some fresh air; a new diaper… socks on, socks off….Huh… mommy was always supposed to be able to make things better??? Well, Mommy is all out of ideas. If you need a dose of honest motherhood then read on…..
My sweet boy. I’ve given all that I had today to an extremely fussy baby who’s only slept for a total of 1.5 broken hours. I keep looking at the clock wondering when your dad will be home….but it’s not soon enough. Guilt starts to creep in….. Am I just being lazy? Am I too easily overwhelmed? Is it the coffee I drank earlier that’s making you restless…OR… maybe the new baby food we tried out???? I don’t know. But you know what I do know? I know I want you to stop crying… to stop screaming and finally sleep like only you can.. with your little arms up like your relaxing after a long tough day. I want to stop feeling like I’m going to scream because I’m so frustrated and tired that every time you began to fall asleep you wake up seconds later red and angry…
My sweet baby. Mommy doesn’t know what’s wrong. I thought I’d always know which song to hum to hush your cries. But today, my arms aren’t strong enough to hold you…my chest not warm enough to soothe you..my sweet boy.. mommy just wants you to sleep. The squeaking of the rocker normally lulls you to sleep… What happened to our routine??? You’re fighting what had become habit. My sweet boy. Mommy has to let you cry it out this time. I don’t want to…. but I must..
So, cry son. CRY, CRY, CRY. BUT, you won’t be alone. Mommy is crying too… I’m not sure how to fix it this time. The more I try and soothe you, the more irate you become. I can’t help but wonder if the neighbors are thinking I’m a horrible mom for letting my baby scream at the top of his lungs. It’s not that….I’m just… a tired mom.
It won’t always be like this. You and I will get back into our pattern and learn each other again. Sometimes dance partners just get out of step with each other. Soon we’ll fall back in step and I’ll snuggle you until you drift off… You’ll gaze into my eyes and slowly let your dreams sweep you away. My sweet boy…
Anyone else let their baby cry it out ?
Sometimes it helps to know that you aren’t the only one going through something. Mamahood is fulfilling, but it’s challenging too!