Hey Mama, can we chat....like really really chat?
One of the foundations of our blog is that we are just real mama’s writing about our real lives. Sometimes it helps to just talk to a friend and that’s all what this blog is about. This is one of those posts that show my vulnerable side as a mama. It isn’t a tips and tricks or mama hack post. This is a post about my real life. My real struggles. Consider this as just a dear diary note from one mama to another. You might be going through the same thing, and sometimes it helps to just know that you are not alone. I titled this post, “Letting Your Husband Be… Dad”, because in the first few months of my sons life I had a hard time letting anyone else, especially my husband take care of him. I wanted everything to be done my way, and I was super pushy about it. But eventually things balanced out. Read on to find out how we transitioned into parents hood…….
I Loved Watching My Husband Transform Into- Papa
My husband was very excited to learn that he was going to be a dad. He was jumping up and down, running through our small apartment. Calling his family. It was super cute. He really made sure that I was as comfortable as I could be during my pregnancy, and he even joined the library so that he could check out books about childbirth and parenting.
Fast forward to the birth of our son, it was a long journey with lots of interventions that I was not too excited about, but he was there to support me, cheering me on. My husband was so sweet holding our baby for the first time, Breezy was the first newborn that he had ever held. They were best friends from the beginning.
Once we got home from the hospital he set up the Rock n’ Sleeper and lulled Breezy to bed allowing me to rest. He would get up with the baby and feed him while I pumped.
He was doing everything right! Right??
Maybe so, but I was constantly looking over his shoulder saying, “that’s not right”, “swaddle him this way”, “hold him that way”. I was like this controlling freak out mama, who had to make sure that everything was done MY way! But that logic doesn’t make any sense. How can I expect someone else to do things in the exact fashion that I would?
It Didn't Register That Breezy Was
His Precious Little Baby Too
I have to admit I went on like this for months, I would insist that he had to do everything my way, because ” I’m nurse” or because ” I work with moms and babies all the time”. It was not fair to him as a parent and his desire to learn how to care for our son. I would ask him the silliest questions or assume that he did not know what to do in certain situations. I did not want anything to happen to my precious little baby, and for some reason it had not registered in my mind that either did my husband……. because it was his precious little baby TOO.
My husband had his own way of doing things, and that worked for HIM! He and Breezy would always have a great time together plus my hubby was pretty good about getting creative and figuring things out if he didn’t know how to do something.
You know what is funny yet hypocritical……my job was to help parents have the tools and resources they needed to take care of their children the best way they could. And I would always encourage my clients to let their partners help with taking care of the baby and to allow them to make mistakes, laugh, cry, and grow on their journey of becoming a parent. But I was having trouble doing this in my own life.
Truly, I was struggling. I was not being very nice to my husband, and I had dozens of excuses for why I needed to control everything. I felt I was owed control in my life; because I felt I had lost control over my pregnancy when I found out that I had Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. I lost control over delivery when I found out that I needed to be induced. And I lost control over breastfeeding when I had to exclusively pump. While all of these things were certainly disappointments for me that did not give me permission to take control from my husband in order to fill a void in my own life. A void that was more like one of those annoying pot holes in the road that should be filled and forgotten
I Felt I Was Owed Control......
But Really I was Being Selfish
In a quest to regain control in my own life, I was hurting my husband. Selfishness had driven me to this point and I knew that I had to change.
I slowly began to release my tight grip of control. You could feel the change in our home, we were more relaxed and less pressured. The focus had shifted from what mama wanted to just having a good time and hanging out together.
Giving up control is very hard for me. It’s something that everyday I have to make a conscious effort to do. There are days when I am that total control freak out mama, and I have to take a step back, apologize, take in a nice deep breath and remember that my hubby and I are a TEAM and that we have the same end goal.
So mama, if you are struggling with allowing your husband to be dad, let him do it! Thank God that he WANTS to do it!
I am so happy that my husband and son are so close, they love hanging out together and just being silly, and I love being able to say, “go to your papa” when I need a break.
Well Mama’s I hope one of you all can relate to this! Comment below and let me know how the transition to parenthood was in your home! I would love to hear from you!